margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
