i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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