Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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