I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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