the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
