dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
