I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
