I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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