a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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