I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
