Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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