life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
