girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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