my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
