Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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