yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
