At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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