I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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