I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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