then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
