In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
