I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
