remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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