Screwed.edu
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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