Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
