my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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