you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
In other news, I just burned my penis
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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