Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
