Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
