Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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