she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
