So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
