The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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