I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
