her vagina looked like bernie madoff
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
