I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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