he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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