you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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