I just made out with a guy for $7.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
