Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
