I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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