did you get engaged???
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
