so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
