So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
