You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
