How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
