Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
