Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
