Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
