i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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