My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
