Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
