So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
