Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
